Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
