No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
