Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
