you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
