watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
