i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
