she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
