oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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