Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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