Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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