loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
