i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize