sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
