How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
