Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
