Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
