Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
