So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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