Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
