i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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