sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
