I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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