I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
