due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
