are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
