We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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