Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
