I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
