You're completely useless in the revolution.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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