I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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