We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
