Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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