The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
