the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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