I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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