so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
