Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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