please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
high people should be assigned attendants
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize