Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
