i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
