dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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