we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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