Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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