I don't think brook has ever known best
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
