Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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