watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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