the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
