My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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