but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
