my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
