i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
