Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
