so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize