the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
