He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
