He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
