hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
