I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
