pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize