I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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