You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
