When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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