Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
