STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
