can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
