guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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