At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize