You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
