someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sext me about skeletons
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
