Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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