the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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