i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
