I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
