I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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