Christians are straight up FREAKS
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
