I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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