Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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