they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she smelled like a LAN party
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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