i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
