i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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