I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
