Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I look better un-naked...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
