So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
