I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
