there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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