Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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