OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You pole danced in your parka.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
