True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
