but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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