sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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