And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm like, not good at living.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
