I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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