i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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