Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
