My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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