we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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