I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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